Heart Check

Hey guys! I’m taking a break from fashion posts this week to give my self a heart check. What is a heart check you may ask? It’s a time when I check in with what’s going on in my heart and address what’s not from the Lord.

Sounds easy enough, right? It would be if I did this daily – well multiple times a day… But instead, I bury things down deep and let them build up until I start letting them control me.

I have been holding on to words others have spoken to me and about me that aren’t true and that don’t define me. God never meant for these words to enter into my heart and make a home. These words weren’t meant to turn into “truths” and cause me to believe the lies the devil whispers to me when I’m most vulnerable.

I have been holding on to fear. Fear that I’m not good enough, pretty enough, or smart enough. Fear that God doesn’t love me – because who could? Fear that I don’t have a purpose. These fears are absolutely ridiculous lies that only the devil can make sound true. He knows just when to stab me with fear. When I walk into a room – fear. When I have to introduce myself to a group and tell a fun fact – fear (okay, but like anyone else here??). When I feel called to reach out to someone and make amends or share my faith – fear.

I have been holding on to comparison. Scrolling through social media, watching videos on youtube, and even online shopping causes me to compare myself to everyone else. My hair does not define me. My waistline does not define me. My clothing does not define me. My makeup does not define me. My relationship status does not define me. God made me how I am and put me in this season for a reason. He doesn’t do anything by mistake or chance. I don’t have to be a model with an insta-perfect relationship for Him to reveal my purpose. He loves me just as I am, so why shouldn’t I?

Words, fears, and comparisons have all seeped in deeply and I’ve allowed my heart to hate. I’ve spoken hurtful things and have not shown Gods love at times. I’m thankful that my God does not have a limit on His love and on the amount of times that He will forgive me.

Father God, thank you for your love and forgiveness even when I don’t deserve it. Help me to release the hate that has been building up in my heart. Help me to release the lies that I’ve stored and replace them with Your truths. God, help me to rest in your promises and know that You are always for me and with me. 

with love, Jana

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